Hayat

...في غيابك

2010-05-18T14:23:00.000+03:00

ابحث في غيابك الغريب عن بقايا قبلات ....

اشتمها في رائحة صباحات الصيف.... اجلس كما جلست طويلا قبل ان تشرق شمسك على ليلي انتظاري الطويل...

اجلس كما جلست بأنتظار وجودك العاصف ...

تحت اغصان شجرة التوت تلك التي طالما ظللت وحدتي اغصانها قبل تحتضني في فيئك حبيبي....

اسمعك في صوت اوراق الكتب التي اقلبها بلا صبر.... بلا عقل....

عقلي ما عاد ملكي.... واناملي التي طالما كتبتك غادرتني اليك...

احس بالخيانة.....

فحواسي تخونني معك.... حتى وانا اشتاقك اكثر منها...

وليلي غادرني ومضى اليك.....

احس بالأمل .....

فأنا ما عدت انا....

انني الان امرأة من حياة....

امرأة ترقب المستقبل بقلب ينبض بحبك....

ترى الحياة كما لم ترها من قبل....

في الأنتظار القاسي وجدتك يا لهفي.... ووجدت نفسي....

تلك الصناديق التي لطالما ملأتها بأسراري....

تنتظرك لتكتشفها بفضول الطفل...

I am awarmed by the fire..

2009-09-12T12:51:00.002+03:00

Of your love everyday So don't call me a liar, Just believe everything that I say ....

Note for self!

2009-07-22T11:49:00.004+03:00

"If someone breaks your heart, cry a river,build a bridge, and get over it."

My inspiration…

2009-04-29T12:34:00.006+03:00

It’s been sometime since I felt the ability to produce, think, and write….
Even the most intense events and circumstances that usually inspired me somehow, didn’t; it only got me sinking deeper into the cave of dark feelings and thoughts!
Until Last night, when I finally got inspired...
By simply spending a few hours with someone whose road crosses mine only when life brings the two roads together… with no planning from any of us….
His soul nicely surrounds my soul when he’s around…
And I feel different….
In his depth I find light …. That guides me out of my cave… and all of a sudden I feel that my thoughts are like little butterflies that flutter inside my mind…

He’s the short and sweet dose of simplicity, sincerity and joy that life offers me generously every once in a while...

I am grateful …
And Inspired…

She...

2009-04-14T18:40:00.001+03:00

has always seen that buried flame of fire …
She knew one day the wind of change will blow again and cast the ashes away, she was never rested…
And she always realized... That she was never safe… and this tiring feeling drained her…

Now… she is paralyzed by fear…
All that she has done... And worked for seems to be worthless, her strength breaks in front of his rage…
The warrior inside her surrendered, and loneliness fills her heart!
All the light in the world… wouldn’t help light the darkness she sees in this moment…
All the smiles won’t help wash her fear away!

Little Happy things...

2009-04-01T15:37:00.004+03:00

Looking back in time….

2009-03-25T09:14:00.003+02:00

Just about a year ago… I wished to have a car of my own so I can drive to work... And anywhere I wanted to….. Now, I drive to work in my very own Fabia .. Which I love so much....
I believed... dreamed... hoped... worked… and my dream finally came true!

Sometimes…

2009-03-24T14:18:00.001+02:00

You have so much to say, but words get stuck in your head…

Does it happen to you?

I have wanted to write in this blog for months… and I can't!

So A friend suggested that Maybe I should write about not being able to write! That sounded smart to me…

And at least I am starting to publish something that Might get back on track! Right..

I realize now while I am writing that I do have ideas to start from…

I have Plenty of new things I my life to tell you about!

So maybe I'll start there! Next posts will be about new things!

Stay well, and let me know what you think!

To blog ..

2008-09-14T10:47:00.001+03:00

Or not to blog …

That's what I have been asking myself for the past months..

What's making me wonder are a set of different reasons… and I thought maybe writing them down would actually help solve the conflict…

First my mind was overloaded with things that I wanted to write about, and the more thoughts raise in my head the harder it seemed for me to write them..

And then I usually feel that most of the things I feel like writing do not fit in this space, they just don't go with the theme…

And lastly, I sometimes wish… I can blog anonymously.. Knowing that many of those who are reading this blog actually knows me.. Isn't as comfortable as it used to be… I do feel I need a little bit more freedom and privacy in writing what ever comes to my mind..

So yes, the quality and the number of my posts has dropped down.. And I believe I must do something about it!

The real problem is I don't know what to do!

Her happiness and mine…

2008-08-08T02:20:00.002+03:00

I always go home with loads of thoughts that keeps me up all night after I see them, my best friend and her boyfriend (now fiancé').
I tell her on the way home tonight that It annoys me how crowded my head is, and that I will write about her in my Blog, I tell her that its better than sharing my thoughts about this issue with her... For I know we won't agree, and that she might not like what I will say…

Me and her, see happiness differently. She see it as a ring in her finger, and a man she can call her fiancé', her husband.
I don't blame her for seeking that, but I don’t agree with her choice. I look at her, with him, and I can't find sparkle in her eyes when she is around him, I can't see her happiness.
All I can see, is her, disappearing under his shadow, her believes melting in his, and her existence, shrinking in his presence and his non-stop criticism.
The way she sits, what she says, and how she say it, her choice of cloths, even her nails paint color, it all somehow must be adjusted, to fit his views, and mood (because that’s how things must be, because he knows better, and he is always right).

I see happiness in freedom, and she thinks I am unrealistic.
She keep telling me, that one day, when I get lonely, when I am bored of being free, that I will give up my search for freedom, and just give in to "reality" of life, To the fact that, this is how things must be.

"But I am never lonely". I tell her, for I have myself, (my all times best friend), I have my books, my thoughts, my friends, my blog. I have my own taste of cloths, my way of talking, and thinking, and my own views, I have my dreams and hopes. The travels I want to go, the places I want to see, and all the things in this world that I yet want to learn, taste and feel.
How can I be lonely if the whole world is my playground?

And yet, when I open the doors of my heart to someone, to enter my world, he must love it, as colorful as it is, I would move a few things around for him to feel like home, but I would never change the color of my soul, the color of freedom, and I will never let him put a fence around my gardens and stop my butterflies from flying everywhere….

Fear…

2008-07-29T12:11:00.001+03:00

I have been paralyzed by fear lately, the fear of moving forward, and the fear of going ahead with what I plan to do… Sometimes I couldn't start something, and other times I didn't finish what I started…

My drafts folder is full of unfinished posts, and uncompleted sentences…

My mind felt like strangled strings, from every direction, and I was stuck in between… It felt as if that tunnel had no end, and I couldn't seem to see a light, the tunnel of my deepest thoughts, was blocking me in….

I knew... I had to fight my way out of there, for I no longer can take the darkness, and the heaviness I felt inside….

I was wondering where fear came from; I have always been brave and strong…

Until I realized that fear is only something I created, to hide behind, when I felt too tired to keep fighting, and too tired to move on, fear was the cave I ran into, but instead of sheltering me, it took over me…

And isn't that what we all do, when things don't seem to be going as we wish, we get used to giving up, and blaming it on others, blaming it on things, and circumstances. Only if we look clearly and see that we can do anything, at anytime, if we really want to…

So I pick up myself, and I break my way out of the tunnel and I see the light, I start again, knowing that time wont wait for me, and that I must get things done now…

I must write my mind, for once the thought is gone its never back….

I love…

2008-07-22T09:31:00.001+03:00

My new beautiful house… J

Feelings…

2008-06-29T13:15:00.003+03:00

I feel....

Happy that I traveled for the first time in my life…
I feel surprised of how unexpectedly short the trip turned to be...
I feel disappointed that I didn’t get to see the beach or the sea or anything I wanted to see…

But…
I feel thrilled that I will be on a T.V quiz show soon...
I feel proud and confident that I won money in that show… (And that the world would see it)!
I feel super excited that I won Money for the first time in my life…
I feel anxious to get the money I won…

I feel …
Unsettled for having to pack my things again and move to a new house…
I feel frustrated for not finding the house yet…
I feel angry for the crazy increase in prices and the unfair financial state of the country…
I feel tiered of waiting… and searching for a house…

But I always feel…Hopeful …
I always feel thankful for the blessing of strength…
I always feel grateful for the blessing of health…
And I always feel life… running in my vines and that’s why…
I never stop feeling… and living…

I remember when…

2008-06-09T15:45:00.003+03:00

I was daydreaming... that I am reading on the beach!
In two days I will be going on a trip that I never expected would happen so soon and most probably I will be spending a lot of time on the beach... swimming, tanning, reading and having fun…

I remember when my dad used to say that he will never ever use a computer because he thought its way too complicated…
An hour ago... I was chatting to my father who is now working in another country…
And he now can check his e-mail, surf the net and chat to me!

I remember that although I told people not to lose hope and let go of dreams….
I did for a while let go of the things I loved and of my hopes and dreams…
Now I know... That I was wrong… and that I never should get tired of waiting,hoping or dreaming!

بيتنا...

2008-05-26T11:13:00.002+03:00

في بيتنا الجديد "القديم" كل شيء مختلف

احس بالغربة وعدم الأرتياح.. تضيق زاوايا البيت بأحلامي الكبيرة

العتمة المطبقة على المدخل تخيم على تفكيري حتى في اول ساعات النهار

اشتاق لنور البدر يتسلل من شباك غرفتي ويضيء سريري

فاغمض عيني واستسلم للنوم الجميل

احن لرائحة الياسمين الندي في الصباحات التي كانت ذات يوم مشرقة
الملم كتبي واوراقي وأضعها في صناديق

اوضب احلامي بحذر في حقيبة وردية اللون... واحملها معي حثما ذهبت
امضي في طريقي حامله حقيبتي الوردية املا في بيت جديد "جديد" تزهر فيه بقايا الامال والحلام

Changes...

2008-05-21T10:25:00.001+03:00

“Changes only happen when we do something that goes totally against everything we’re used to doing.”

The witch of Portobello
paulo coelho

Day dreaming…

2008-05-06T23:44:00.001+03:00

Lately….
My mind hasn’t been functioning, except when I am day dreaming…
I can't stop seeing myself on a beach, reading...
I feel that I just need a get away vacation, where I can lay in the sun…
And listen to the breaking waves on the beach… and just read…
Lately…
I close my eyes in bed, and realize that I haven’t accomplished anything that day….
I was only day dreaming…

Madness...

2008-04-21T16:40:00.004+03:00

You feel that time is passing impatiently and that the minutes are ticking in your head.
What have you done in the past few hours, or the past few days...
Why does your morning smell different and your black morning coffee tastes so sweet!

That mirror on the wall shows another face than you’re used to see, something’s make more sense than what they used to and some doesn’t at all…
Everything around you moves in a musical pulse, and you are nailed in your seat gazing at a smile in that photo....

You never knew that a photo could be so full of life...

You’re full of madness days pass and you… You are still wondering, where is the way out of this world that feels so great, yet so powerful that takes all your shields off…

Wondering...

2008-04-13T12:38:00.002+03:00

I am missing my Blog a lot lately...
It’s like losing contact with a dear friend, it’s always on my mind, but I can do nothing about it…
I always think of things to write, but once I start writing I lose it, and I either delete the text or send it to draft...
If I had nothing worth writing, that won’t a problem, but I have plenty to write about...
But I don’t know how or where to start...

What should I do to get out of this...?
What would you do...?

What Do You say To Taking Chances..

2008-04-02T09:44:00.002+03:00

A note from the heart...

2008-03-26T15:50:00.001+02:00

I still don’t know what got to me in the past few weeks or so…
A wave of helplessness flooded my soul, getting up from my bed in the morning felt like the hardest thing… And I am still recovering from the numbness I was feeling….
I felt I lost meaning in everything that seemed important to me, and things I hoped for and believed in doing seemed impossible…

The only good thing that happened was the serious cleaning of all the junk contacts I had, in my phone, on my Facebook, msn, and especially in direct contact. I have done this before, but I realized that they stack up again and again and a seasonal cleaning is always a must…

A few days ago, as the weather was beautiful and sunny, I went out and spent some time in the sun, with a very special friend of mine (it’s amazing what a little time in the sun around a positive person can do to a troubled soul!)…

Things haven’t cleared out completely in mind yet, but I know I am up on my feet again… and ready to get started stronger than ever…

I think that the best thing to give me a stronger push is exercising so I will start a daily morning 30 min jog starting from tomorrow… and will try to write more on the week end…

Thanks for those who supported me… and was there to encourage me …
I love you all…
Having you there for me is a blessing…

.........

2008-03-18T12:07:00.000+02:00

When you no longer care about a thing…
Nothing seems to matter any more…
When your heart feels heavier and your dreams are blank…
You close your eyes at night and wish to just fall in a long long sleep…

You wake up the next morning to wonder…
When did hope slip away …
And how did all this happen…

El donya rabee3 wel Jaw Badee3...

2008-03-08T07:38:00.006+02:00

There is nothing like a beautiful sunny day after months of cold and rainy winter…

Seems like spring is finally here ...

Spring blossoms with its colors to touch my soul with hope…

Belonging...

2008-02-28T10:41:00.004+02:00

In that shady corner, away from the crowded streets and weary days; in a place that isn’t yours or hers, a place that holds the memories of many others before you two.
The naked floor, the white soft curtains makes you feel you belong, her scent takes you closer, and those thin curls on the back of her neck captivates you.
It’s a strong feeling of belonging that occupied you from the first moment, you no longer want to wonder or ask, because nothing really matters after all.

Your uncertainty melts into the kindness he holds in his smile, and for once you are no longer thinking, for the intensity of the feeling is in control
And you know…

“Life always has a different taste with a touch of madness…”

Are you Muslim??

2008-02-19T03:00:00.008+02:00

Frustrated with work issues, and a million other thing…
Leaving office at 12:30PM and getting a taxi to go do some work!

Me: Swaifyah please
Stinky taxi driver gives me a scary look
A REALLY loud Radio show is on, sheik speaking (Its haram to play cards with your friends because it might lead to silly jokes, and any way its haram to stay up after sunset prayer)!!
Me: efffffft (and trying to find my music player in my bag)
Me: the radio is too loud please
Another scary Look!!!
Me : :( Getting nervous.
I find my music player, put it on, put some music and set the volume to the max and stare at the window looking for some peace.
I hear mumbling, and I look to find him giving a scarier look in the mirror, I take one headset off.
Me: 3afwan (Excuse me)!
Stinky scary: ente muslimah?? (Are you Muslim)!!
Me almost losing it: had eshe ma be5osak (None of your business)!!!
SS: bashof mush 3ajbek kalam el shaik,bas btesma3i mosiqa! (You don’t like what the shaik is saying, but you like your music)!!!
Me: 5allik bsho'3lak o ma 5assak fe (Mind your own business, and leave me alone)!
I put my headset back on, and he keeps mumbling, and turns the radio to the max volume, lights up a Cigarette and gives me more scary looks.

Me (really stressed and thinking): What's more stressful? Staying, and keep ignoring him until I get where I want, or getting off, and waiting half an hour for another taxi!!
I stayed… and he tried again to lecture me as I was going down! But I just left the money on the back seat and left! I really thought he will get down and follow me!

I pay around 40% of my income on taxi services, and I get this!

Not only most of them stink, smoke, and play the worst music ever! I started to believe that most of them think that they are doing us (passengers) a favor by picking us up, and as a result, they believe that it's our duty to keep them entertained and complement them and listen if they have something to say!
They even get to decide which way we should take home! If you're going somewhere too close they complain, and if it's too far they also complain!
They NEVER have change to give you back, but you must never give them a dim less!

I cant wait for the day I buy myself a car! Efffft!

My obsession… Valentines Day and gifts…

2008-02-12T14:51:00.000+02:00

I love...
Notepads, Markers, Sticky notes, Desk organizers, Pens, Pencils, highlighters and page labels…

As I was enjoying walking around in one of the biggest Bookshops in Amman, doing some basic stationary shopping for my office…
And since Valentines Day is in two days, it’s too hard not to notice all the red gift boxes, teddy bears and candles that are in every corner…
I started imagining getting a -NOT RED- box full of all kinds of personalized stationary, with lots of small colorful notepads and sticky notes, and lots of pens and pencils of all colors!

I believe that people don’t need Valentines Day to show their love, or buy gifts, and it must not be an obligation to exchange gifts at any occasion because gifts will then lose its meaning… a gift is a way to show different feelings… Then it’s related to when you have those feelings not when you MUST give the gift…

Bubbly...

2008-02-09T22:47:00.000+02:00

It won't kill you…

2008-02-09T01:28:00.000+02:00

To say Thank you ...

To tell me that you need me to go shopping with you!
You really don’t need to keep telling me how you have no one to go with so I can ask if you like me to join you. And so I don’t feel that I came just for you and as a result you don’t need to be grateful"!!!

It won't kill you to get excited (In my face) about a suggestion I made, on trying on a new restaurant or a new hair cut…
No need to give me that story about how you went to the hair salon for (trimming only and you end with this hair cut that surprisingly looks exactly like mine)! And claim that you are really sad that your hair end up that way!

It won't kill you

To give me or anyone else credit, for inspiring, Encouraging or motivating you…
To feel grateful for and most of all SHOW IT

?

2008-02-09T01:09:00.000+02:00

She's wondering now…
As everyone went to sleep and she's sleepless, just as she was some long time ago…
Is she there again?
Does a time repeat it's self or does events just look like each others…
Or it's just that all this time… she thought that things changed… that she changed... And that he changed…
While the truth is, nothing ever changed?

Why words die before she say them or write them, and why did she crawled to bed early all those nights?
What is it that she trying to block away?
What's holding her back now?

Can fear takeover her now, like it never did…

Catching Up...

2008-02-04T10:46:00.000+02:00

A few changes stroke in my life recently, left me clueless, and torn between escaping to fulfilling my own dreams, and my other obligations, but after a few days of struggling and reaching inside myself for an answer I realized that the temporarily escape won’t likely bring much satisfaction anyhow, and that doing what’s expected doesn’t necessarily prevent me from cultivating my unfulfilled dreams.

On a second note, although many people are complaining about snow, I personally found it a great chance to spend some quality time with the whole family; we played cards, watched lots of movies together, it’s amazing what you could learn about the closest people to you only if you open your mind and are welling to learn.
And since my home internet connection was disconnected at that time, I decided to stop cursing my luck for that, and spend my time reading, I finished The Kite runner which is an enchanting book by the way, and started reading A thousand splendid suns by the same author (Kalid Hussaini), I also managed to get myself a copy of (Nineteen Eighty- four) By George Orwell which I will start reading with Asoom's Bloggers book club, I still don’t know when did I develop the habit of reading more than one book at the same time but along with A thousand splendid suns, I started reading The five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom which is a small book that fits in my bag and I can read in every were, unlike the A thousand splendid suns which is really big and heavy to carry around.

And since I love taking walks in all weathers, Me and Adam went for a snowy morning walk and breakfast, we had pancakes, and walked to down town, had some hot chocolate and bought some more DVDs and then walked back home again…
Amman is such a beautiful city.
I’ll leave you with some pictures…

Remember...

2008-01-25T16:56:00.000+02:00

"Habits can be the best of friends or the worst of enemies."

Ana biddi...

2008-01-24T11:10:00.000+02:00

I am totally In love with all Escada Perfumes.. I have the Escada Sentiment and Magnetism..
And yesterday I tried this new latest Escada S!

Its delicate.. Elegant and sweet! I love it.. I want it...

كن صديقي...

2008-01-23T12:00:00.000+02:00

It’s your choice, really...

2008-01-20T11:54:00.000+02:00

You can say you Hate…
But you can also say you really don’t like...

You can complain about having a Problem…
But you can also smile and say you are facing a challenge...

I really don’t want to be sad…
But I usually think... how I want to be happy…

It’s really a matter of choice….
And it does make a difference...

Life's Journey to the working class...

2008-01-16T12:11:00.000+02:00

I have grown to believe strongly that there is always a way of working things out, that the end of one road is always a start of another.

I remember my English teacher in high school, telling me how amazing those short stories I wrote were and how she thinks I really should study English literature in collage. I smiled to her nice complement and said "Enshallah".
The year I was in High school, was the most financially troubled year that my family has ever been through, my father had broken up with his partner and sold his car, and was officially drowned in debt. I didn’t need him to tell me he couldn’t afford my education, I knew it very well, and I had a plan.
I always found it surprising how people criticize, deride anyone who does things in a different way. When family and friends asked, “so what’s your plan, which University you will be going to… have you made up your mind what to study..?”
And I answered… “I am not going to collage now... I joined a crafts center in a city out side Amman, and will be taking a one years Pottery course!”
I got raised eyebrows, and long lectures from uncles, aunts, and other family members and friends, on how important education is and how I will regret this decision and realize what a waste of time it was and then it will be too late!

I only asked myself one thing at that time, what other option do I have? And what does those “wise, caring…” friends and family have to offer me as an alternative…
“Nothing…” was the answer!
The year I spent in that craft center was amazing, I learned how to throw pots, how to burn, glaze and decorate pottery. Unlike most of my classmates, I wasn’t learning to get a job, I was there because I liked it since I was a kid. Because it’s something I have always wanted to do.
The center belongs to a Jordanian foundation that promises to provide students with Job opportunities after graduation. And since I was one of the top five students I was offered a Job in an artisan work shop in Amman.

I got the Job.
For 90 JDs a month, me and another two girls from the center, worked on a production line, for a continuous 10 hours, with a target production of 50 decorated pieces of pottery a day.
The workshop was nothing but a basement of a building that lacks any quality of a real work place. We were not offered anything but the salary that was NEVER paid on time, and was usually given to us -after we demanded it- in small payments of 10 and 20 JDs.
We still managed to have some fun, since it was just the three of us all the time in that basement we bought a small cassette player , listened to music and drank 3 in 1 Nescafe’ for warmth.
I remember going home with mud on my clothes, and dust in my hair and under my nails.
Eight months later, it wasn’t fun anymore and I decided that I have had enough, they gave us more work and higher production targets, and they always claimed that there isn’t enough money to pay us, the gallery that was in the next building was not somewhere we were allowed to be in and I came to know exactly why.
One vase that we made is usually sold for five or six times of my salary and those who brought them did not only buy ONE vase!

So I left…
and started my Job hunting journey. I worked in an antiques and crafts shop, in a car rental company, worked as a salesgirl for a clothes shop, and a cosmetics shop. Most of the Jobs I had didn’t pay well, and required long working hours, late shifts and even double shifts of more than 10 hours at times!
Along the way going to collage was my ultimate goal and that kept me going...
I managed to save some money and get myself enrolled in an Open University, which have an open self learning system that is designed for a fixable timing for working students.

From my personal office today, I write those lines on my personal computer and in an environment that is comfortable to bring about the creative thoughts in me at the same time of doing my day to day work. I can’t be more grateful for the Job I have now!
I know how blessed I am for having a Job that doesn’t require much physical effort, that is clean and safe.
I still have two years to graduate which at times is frustrating and seems like a really long time, But whenever I think that I made it this far, I know I Can make it till the end!

This post was insipired by the Observer who was too inspired by Batir .

Confessions….

2008-01-08T20:46:00.000+02:00

A year ago…
I experienced a real redemption…
Surviving death at the first day of the year…
Falling asleep for five days… and waking up... for a new me…

During the last year…
I fill into mind traps… and got stuck from within…
I lost friends… I lost time… and I lost myself sometimes too…
I made mistakes… I made the same mistake twice…
And failed some other times…

But I also…
A year ago.. Started Blogging…

Met new people, explored new things…
New music and new books…
I learned a lot… from my mistakes… from my failure
And from my redemption…
I learned from those who tried to hurt me… and from those who really loved me...
And in my self exploring journey... I learned a lot about myself…
About my deepest fears, my strengths and my weaknesses…
And I am more aware…
Of myself... and my surroundings...

I moved to a new Job… ran the dead sea marathon… discovered the secret… and decorated Christmas cookies with the coolest Bloogers ever !

So after all…
2007 wasn’t that bad… And despite the bordom I am going through now.. And the slow start I am struggling to break..
I am looking forward for 2008…

And I am planning to...

- Read more…
- Love more…
- Smile more... ( I already do.. but I thought a bit more wont hurt anyone)!
- Prepare for the Next Dead Sea marathon in April by exercising at least four times a week…
- Listen less to MoodFm (At least until my boss stops humming its commercial tune)…
- Be the first to eat from the Observer's (Licky-Licious) Ice cream! ;)
- Learn to make to-do lists and sticking to them…

That's not all, but it's all for now…

So Happy new year everyone… and happy Blogging…

First things First..

2007-12-19T23:59:00.000+02:00

First… Eid Mubarak... I hope you all had a lot of good chocolates... home breakfasts and lunches... and lots of quality time with family, lovers and friends… (Since being stuck at work don’t give most of us time to do so)!!!
My first day of Eid was rather boring until I got off bed and pampered myself with a visit to the hair salon…
And later I Went to the mama beans (cookies decoration party) and that’s when I can say EID IS FUN!! Thanks MamaBeans and Kinzi. And by the way (Mom is considering starting that –um- hayat.com! I wonder what it would be all about!!)
I can go on forever talking about the little irresistible cupcakes, and the questionable cheese eater's behavior..! : ) But I will just say that I am so glad I made it!

(Note for self: get a new digital camera, that doesn’t turn off every 5 seconds)!!

I still have a lot more to write about… but like I said... First things first... So will keep that for tomorrow!

Happy Chocolate Eating!

Mosh Mohem...

2007-12-09T09:56:00.000+02:00

Life is...

2007-12-06T09:47:00.000+02:00

"Life is Like a box of chocolate...
You never know what you
might get"

Forest Gump

My favorite things ...

2007-12-04T15:24:00.000+02:00

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings

when I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things And then I don't feel so bad

The Gift...

2007-11-28T16:31:00.000+02:00

He, who knew it all, was giving her a piece of his mind, and she was ready to live him, breathe him, and drown in him.
Pouring his heart into the words he wrote on the first page of that novel
” Always to you… who smell like life… and own the scent of all the others…” She always believed that books are the gift of wisdom and true feelings; and always treasured a book that starts with a dedication.

"I could be a phase in your life, and you will meet people who would impress you more, I am just a simple man".
"I know I will" she said with a smile. "But you must also know that, no one would be like you".
She loved the simplest little details about him, his walk and how different he is from everything she ever thought she wants, his hair with the shining grey hairs in between, and his true charming smile.

In bed that night, she was full of him, closed her eyes on the quietness she had inside, and she realized that what she loves the most is the peace he brought into her…

Once upon a night...

2007-11-22T23:58:00.001+02:00

"To be a fighter you need not fight but within yourself, to overcome your fears, and fight the darkness out of your soul".
She knew he had won his own fights as well, the way his words and his eyes, went through her heart and she felt it pound hard.
The rain and the music had worked her good, and she was already living out of time.
It is not love; she knows well, it is a higher level of living in love, its being high on thoughts, and feeding on the uncertainty of the unknown, its not excepting, or being expected, to act, or say anything.
He didn’t belong, just as she didn’t, to the world of people of no faces, and friends with no voices, they both belonged to each others that night, to the rain, in each others freedom, they both decided to get lost once upon a night.....

To be continued....

My mistake…

2007-11-16T14:56:00.000+02:00

Not only I am overwhelmed with Work, school assignments, Exams, and social responsibilities, but I am also guilty with not being able to set priorities, or estimate exactly how much time a curtain task needs, I always think that I am too slow, and I end up accepting tasks that are way over my limits and time, just to prove (to no one but myself) that its only a matter of concentration, and that It can be done..
But I proved myself wrong… and I am paying for my mistake now…
I learned the lesson…
The hard way …. And here I am working from home on the week end, instead of relaxing or studying.
And I am bloggin now instead of working… because I am just too overwhelmed to even concentrate….

I wish I would just close my eyes… and find it all done…
But it's not going to happen… and I better get back to work…

Have relaxing (work free) week end….

My friend is confusing me and I have a headache…

2007-11-16T00:33:00.000+02:00

Her friend got married in flash and is leaving tomorrow to live in the states…
She had a fight with her boyfriend and asked him not to talk to her ever in his whole life… and he didn’t call back since then!!
I have a bad headache and I can't really help… or listen to her confusing complains!

Her friend who got married was the least expected to get married, a party girl, who is so out going, spoiled, changes her boyfriends just as she changes her shoes….
But she did get a fancy beautiful fairy tale wedding.. And leaving with her husband to live in the states…

The fight of the boyfriend was last night, but the nagging and the drama must continue for another week or maybe more and would only stop if I lose my mind or he calls.
The boyfriend sent her a text…
"Shut your mouth up, and just sleep!"
He was really upset, because she sent him a text earlier that night telling him that he must stop his stupidity and stop being Mr. nice guy to every body.
Obviously one of his friends is in financial trouble and needed him (the Boyfriend) to write a cheque to guarantee him for six months.
She thought he is stupid, and made sure he knows (her way was totally wrong). And of course he didn’t like it.
The funny part in her drama is that her boyfriend has always hated her newly married friend. He always thought she is a bad influence and asked her all the time to stop seeing her.
Now they are both gone!

But I have to admit that she confuses me most of the time, and only recently that I got to understand her a little bit.
She complains how complicated her boyfriend is, that she hates how he has no trust in her at all, that he checks her phone every time they meet, and he drives around where she tell him she is to check if she is laying or not, or wither if she is with another man or not.
And now, she is crying her heart out because she wants him back! I do not get it at all. I am sorry! I don’t think I will ever do.
How can she know all his negativity and still want him back? She says he is the right person. But I don’t really think so! She confuses me, and I have a headache! Ma Biddiiiiii!

Let the rain come down...

2007-11-11T11:49:00.000+02:00

And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

Life is here for you...

2007-10-30T11:19:00.000+02:00

How I wish to give you the world… and everything you need…
To take away all the sorrow from your heart… and set you free…
How I wish to see you strong as you were once… shining and happy…
How I long to hear you laugh…
It’s been long since you laughed…
I know your sadness is too heavy on your heart… that you no longer can show me that you love me… but I know that you do…
I am sorry life was too hard on a beautiful heart as yours… but life doesn’t give it all…
I hope you know that I will always be here for you…
And that one day…
I will take you to see the ocean
And walk with you on the sand… for hours…and laugh at the past days…
And let the ocean wash away all that is gone…
Never fear a thing… and never lose hope..
For I will always be here for you…

And so it is...

2007-10-26T00:37:00.000+03:00

I love this song...
Ever since I heard it on MoodFm (which is officially my favorite radio channel ever)...

Tonight... I am listening to some nice songs... and reading a nice E-mail I received from my Beautiful Friend Johanna... "Something to cheer me up" as she called it...
Trying to get my mind off so many things...

Family... Friends... Work... Money... School... Love... Society... Time... Looks... Words... Blogs...
And some more stuff... each has a share of my mind...
A share of my day... and I try hard to find a balance... but there isn't enough time for everything all the time... and I can only think of three a time... not more...
I will leave my world behind tonight... and step into Paulo's "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept".
There is no world I like to get lost in like Paulo's….

Nice week end all…

A friend in need is…

2007-10-25T02:00:00.000+03:00

"Not a friend" indeed…A friend in need…is the "Back up plan" the" Stand by" person you Only...Remember when your "friends" are too busy and you are out of options... The easy going person who never says no... That you think is too naive and "easy to use" To fill some leisure time... to fill "in between" other stuff time... He is defiantly not your favorite.. But surly useful to keep... In addition to this.. There is the "back up" lover… who you only use post breakup…or before a marriage or an engagement...
To say goodbye to your days as a single...

Update:
This post has been posted by mistake… I was sleepless last night and started writing some scattered thoughts…
And obviously clicked the publish button instead of the “save” one!
I was so surprised when I saw it out this morning…

I was writing out of confusion and disappointment …
I usually use my disappointment in a positive way… and I rethink my own way of dealing with people… to make sure I don’t disappoint people the same way…

I never expect people to be perfect… or not to make mistakes…
Because I make my own mistakes… and I am not perfect either… but I rethink my way… and judge myself at the end of the day…
I try to do things in a different way… if I know it might hurt someone….

Well, this time… I guess I am too overwhelmed to be able to write my mind well.. so I better let it go…

My life & Music....

2007-10-20T22:54:00.000+03:00

I had a long week, resulted to a deep frustration on the week end
Bad mood swings, a social mistake… and a very ugly misunderstanding with a nice friend of mine…
Not to mention seven posts sent to the draft folder... And another five lost somewhere in my exhausted mind…
I had an assignment to deliver to my tutor in collage today, and a class to attend…
And since I only have two papers this semester I decided not to miss any more classes…
To leave all my frustration, my bad mood and confusion behind…
Carry my big heavy book… dress up and go to school…
On my way there I was hoping… that my silly flattering teacher… decided to take a break of his silliness.. And focus ONLY on the study material.. And give us more than one page today….
But no way… he only got me more frustrated… talking about EVERYTHING but what's in my heavy book…
He spent exactly 15 mins on a conversation started from the headline in the book "why do we process food" to talking about Falafel sandwiches, and listening to students argue which places make the best falafel sandwiches in Amman… We also had to hear how a girl with a "fake Lebanese accent" thinks that it’s a waste spending time cooking in the kitchen while we can buy everything from the stores, and the teacher who is suppose to be teaching "working with your environment" agree…
The class ended… and I was rushing out... When he stopped me… to say "Sho ya Hayat, adeteha teb3ati masegat"!! (You spent the class playing with your phone texting"
I was shocked... Did he mean the few seconds at the end of the class I spent replying a text msg!!!!!
The only thing I had in mind.. Is how I hated falafel ....
I replied…
" la wallah.. enta elle adet el 7essa te7ki 3an el falafel, fa ma azon enno ra7 3alai she" (you are the one who wasted time talking about falafel, so I don’t think writing that text, I missed much)!!!!
To prove that he is even sillier, and after he realized that it was a mistake that he thought he could actually embarrass me,he started laughing, saying that he just cares about me….
I just walked away without listening to what more he had to say….

Despite the fact that I replied back, and embarrassed him instead of him embarrassing me, I left school more pissed… sad and frustrated…
I was planning to go out… but to make things worst…
Among all days… no one was available… so I just went home…
Sat in my room… with a headache… and few tears in my eyes…

I really didn’t think that anything would change my mood… until I turned on the radio… and this song was playing…

I have heard it before… but somehow it just lifted my mood… and I am still listening to it until this moment… over and over again… it's surprising yet true…
Music and lyrics can change people's lives…
I will go to bed now…. And hope for a better week….

The Joy of Eid...

2007-10-13T01:45:00.001+03:00

Look at the world through the eyes of kids… and enjoy it...
Let the kid in you out ...
Wear something new and eat some chocolate...
Be cheerful…
Smile sincerely to everyone you meet…
Put your worries on the shelf for a while…and just live the spirits…
The joy of kids fills the air with something special… so just seize the chance… and let it fill you up and recharge your soul…
This is what Eid all about…

Love… care… and bonding…

I wish you all a Joyful Eid full of smiles and happiness…

Cleaning Out my Closet...

2007-10-11T03:54:00.001+03:00

Summer is coming to an end… I started a new year in my life… A new semester in school…
I realized that there is too much mess around…
I can't stand mess...
Unneeded, unused meaningless objects are to be thrown not stacked...
Annoying, useless, time consuming manipulative people are not to be kept...
And that’s what I mean by mess…
I cleaned out my closet....And now I am cleaning up my contacts lists, my messenger list… my mind and my heart… I turned the page on some people…and there will NO turn back on this…

Why would some people think that I like to go back in time… and dig in the old dusty memories…?
If you were left behind in history, so that’s exactly where you belong…you don’t belong to my present or my future for sure...
So please stop trying, and just move on… because it's cleaning up time… and you have been blocked and deleted for good….

And As a friend of mine says...
Bygones are bygones…

Life turned 23…

2007-10-08T02:10:00.000+03:00

I look back to my last birthday and it seems like yesterday…
Thinking what did the last year add to me and to my life and what changed…

I know that I didn’t buy a car as I thought I would last year…
I also know that the few pounds that I am suffering to lose are still there…
I know I am still (the girl of the unfinished projects & open ends)… I have tons of them around me…
I got stuck in my university in the same three papers for the last two semesters… because I couldn’t concentrate enough to get done with them…and now I am taking them again… hoping it would be the last time…

But on the other hand… I know I have more…
I have the persistency to reach my goals… buy that car, and lose those pounds...
Finish the unfinished…and try harder not to leave any behind again…
And To Concentrate on those three papers & move on to new ones next semester…

I also know I have more love…
Of those who I met recently… and those who I already know, I have the love of others who I never got the chance to meet yet… but it feels sometimes that they are so close… and the love of those who once passed my way… and changed something in me… and added something to the person who I am…

A handful of sunlight… A heart full of dreams & a world full of happiness…
And many smiles on my face… that’s what Sweet Noura surprised me with…
And a very funny card by my favorite characters Hoops and yoyo who just loooove birthdays.. and cants stop singing "Happy birthday"…

And My dear creative photographer friend Johanna made me a very thoughtful card…

I have all this and much more… that I will always be thankful for…
I wish this year would bring me more wisdom and courage to be what I want… and accomplish what I dream…
Thanks my dear friends…

My ironically disappointing – surprisingly exciting

2007-10-07T02:19:00.000+03:00

And Full of love week end…

Last week was not much of my favorite, it was so boring, I was waiting for some things to happen and none did, and I didn’t get much sleep so it left me both tiered and frustrated...
And to add to all that, I got an Ironic /disappointing surprise on Thursday, after I did a very bold social approach and turned to be a bad idea, on a wrong time, and (to the wrong person too) I guess!
I can say now that I learned a couple of valuable lessons from my Ironic/disappointment experience, and now when I think about it I am glad things went the way they did… but that doesn’t change the fact that.. I DID get so disappointed, that I thought I will spend the whole next week sad for that…
But because life usually has a funny way in playing around with me, I got another surprise on the same Thursday, an exciting one this time… it changed my mood, and I totally forgot about my bad day…
After a nice dinner with a very dear friend of mine, he surprised me, with an early birthday present (a red vibration swatch watch)… I really got surprised… and I love the watch so much, I can't take it off now… I love my friend…
Friday was boring, I spent most of sleeping, and I went and got two books for two of my friend's whose birthdays also on the first week of October.
I picked up two Paulo Coelho books, and decided that I MUST get (the warrior of light) I spent some time in the book shop reading in it... And I love it... It's really a must have…this makes it two of Coelho, this and his beautiful 2008 Enigma that I fill in love with…

Talking about love…
I still have a lot to write about tonight… about love in my week end…But I will keep it for tomorrow in my next post... And go get some sleep now…

Life's Gratitude chain…

2007-09-30T02:39:00.000+03:00

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

October is my favorite month of the year, good things usually happens to me on and around October, and I thought that sometimes life runs too fast and too busy that I forget to be thankful for the good things in my life, to appreciate my gifts, and my blessings, so I decided to have October as my gratitude month, and share this with as many people as I can.
So I thought of starting a (life's gratitude chain), it's somehow similar to a tag, but I just like to call it a chain.
In Life's gratitude chain, you need to:

Find a quote or a sentence about gratitude, or even think of one yourself and write it.

Count your blessings, write five of them please.

Think of October as your Gratitude attitude month too, write it down somewhere you can see it, on your calendar, on a sticky note and keep it there, let it remind you to be appreciating, and of course (sincerely thankful).
It would be nice if you share how you think you will remind yourself with this, to help others who haven’t thought of anything yet.
Pass this chain to five people. And don’t forget to tell someone close to you to have gratitude attitude too.

And don’t forget…
Be grateful…pay attention and appreciate everything good around you…

I will be the first to start,

I am thankful for,

God, for creating me the way I am, with all my faults, my mind, my soul, and my body.
For my family, and people who love me, and for the love I have for them in my heart.
For the sun that rises on my room in the morning, and for the nice breeze, and for the lovely moon that lights my night when I am feeling happy, sad, or lonely.
For every experience passed my way, for every person who taught me something, or added something to my life, for every coincident and every cross road, and even for the tough situations for they are what made me who I am now. And for that I am thankful.

And I pass it to,

Noura,Assom,Bara2,Mala2e6 &Observer

I love the Spaaaaaah....

2007-09-28T22:55:00.000+03:00

My birthday is coming and I have made up my mind since some time now, that I will not have a party or a gathering (last years party end up with a couple of disappointing arguments between some of my friends, and resulted to me losing one of them)!!!! I still don’t know why!!!!
So I decided that I will simply pamper myself to a nice day at the (Hammam) Turkish bath! And keep myself away from all means of frustration and disappointment (which I have been getting a high dose of recently)…
I was still not sure that I will get to do that though, because I don’t believe that I could do those activities alone, and I didn’t have any sign of encouragement or excitement from any of my girl friends… (How BORING)!!!
Until Thursday, when an American friend of mine, asked me to join her and another 6 friends of hers to a girls day in the Turkish bath…
Yeah, it's not my birthday yet, but I did go, I just thought of it as an early birthday present to myself….
And it was great!
I met six nice ladies, from different places of the world, and that was just the start.
Since I do not like to pick the bad things to talk about, I will just say that the scrubbing, the sauna, and the Jacuzzi and the nice ladies, gave me the best week end I had since some time.
We chatted, laughed, and had some quality time there. The message was not as we expected though, but the company and the nice soft skin we all have now, is enough to make us all feel great!
Nothing is better than meeting new friends, and spending the day at the spa!
That’s life!

Disillusionment…

2007-09-23T10:46:00.000+03:00

You place someone on a pedestal… and you are already bought into dreams…
But then you realize that perfection is unattainable…
You too may be portraying an impossible illusion to others…

So just let it be the way it is… and allow life to do its own thing….

Ne Me Quitte Pas

2007-09-22T00:14:00.000+03:00

هذا المساء

2007-09-20T03:08:00.000+03:00

افقد الرغبة في الكلام.. امام سحر تفاصيلكِ الصغيرة
دعيني اغرق في صمتي.... حبيبتي

و تكلمي

ابتسمي لي.. وحدثيني

عن القمر الذي سهرتِ على نوره ليلة البارحة.. في غرفة نومك التي تحبين

عن الكتاب الذي ابتعته ذلك اليوم

تكلمي مزيداَ عمّا تريدين..و ما تحلمين.. عن كل شيء يملئك حماسا

عن سر إشراقكِ... وكل ذالك الحب اللي يملأكِ

و خبريني

كيف كبرتِ... لتجلسي أمامي هذا المساء بأنوثتك الرقيقة

و عن تلك الطفلة المشاكسة التي ما زلت تخبئين
اجلس بصمت... أتأملك

وأنت.... طفلتي الجميلة... تتحدثين... تتحركين
و تخجلين إن أطلتُ الصمت ونظرت إليك و أنت تشربين القهوة
أميرةٌ أنت

و أنا غارق في صمتي

فحدثيني.... وكوني أميرتي.... ... هذا المساء

Up on cloud number nine...

2007-09-19T01:09:00.000+03:00

A quite night… and I am very tired but I just don’t want to sleep…
I know there is enough time to sleep…
But now I need to do… and be…
My thoughts take me high…
To spend sometime up on cloud number nine…

For it's a long way up and I won't come down tonight…
And the moon is out and the stars are bright and whatever comes is gonna be alright…

Up on cloud number nine…
Where what you want can be…
And what you dream can be…

Where you can paint as you see…in your mind.. a place of your own..
Where you can give… what you know they need…
And tonight all will be mine… up on cloud number nine…

And no,
I won't come down tonight…

Something...

2007-09-18T00:35:00.000+03:00

Changed in me...
I know that I am no longer the same...
Something moved.... and I see things in a different way...
A door was opened... And another one closed...
Someone walked in... And another walked out...
A new book next to my bed...
And a new song.. Ringing in my head...
Something changed in the world around me...
And I know... things will no longer be the same...

"87% of women...

2007-09-10T09:02:00.000+03:00

in Jordan find justification for men who abuse women". Statistics reveal.
“It is evident that there is a major lack of awareness on the implications abuse has on women’s health and society,” PSP Project Director Rita Leavell told The Jordan Times yesterday.
“The fact that women can find excuses for being abused is scary; we must address these women directly,” she said

I was reading this article in the Jordan times this morning and I personally find it scary too, I knew that we have a big problem when it comes to women and child abuse and domestic violence, and in controlling these issues and working on them in a healthy way, but I never thought the number is so high!

The UN's goodwill ambassador in Jordan, Princess Basma Bint Talal is a pioneer in working for women’s rights and women empowerment, and Jordan is taking serious steps in this field to help women understand their rights and protect themselves and families from violent and abuse of all kinds. This and many other projects in Jordan are a start of hope that would make a difference on the long run.

But I personally believe that there is more to be done. And it could start from each one of us.
Fighting emotional abuse and any indirect kind of sexual and mental abuse could make a difference.

If you are a women, with a husband, a father, a brother, or anyone around you
Trying to repress you, degrade you, or to stop you from socializing and having a normal life then you are abused.

If you are being underestimated; unappreciated, taken for granted, or even ignored. Then you are emotionally abuse.

Any verbal sexual hints from a coworker, a superior, a family member are sexual abuse.
And all that should be stopped from this very moment.

Friends also could emotionally/mentally abuse us, men and women.
If you feel your friends are a burden, and your relationship with them is nothing but a frustration.. Then there must be something wrong..

I would like to make it clear here, that I don’t mean that women are always the victim, men can be abused too.. But statistics and numbers have shown that the majority are of women because men are considered the “stronger sex”.
Men can be abused; a woman can be brutal when it comes to blames and accusations. She can invent many lies and kill the soul of the man with every sentence she speaks. She may not abuse the man physically, but her emotional abuse may be enough to drive a man to lunacy

So please, men and women... Start the change... And tell a friend…
and don’t let silence kill life in you…

Round...

2007-09-06T15:07:00.000+03:00

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Spinning silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half-forgotten dream
Like the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Spinning silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that I said?
Lovers walk along a shore
And leave their footprints in the sand
Was the sound of distant drumming?
Just the fingers of your hand?
Pictures hanging in a hallway
Or the fragment of this song
Half-remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
Were you suddenly aware?
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair?
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

life out of life...

2007-09-05T15:19:00.000+03:00

I love...Summer and movies...

2007-09-04T16:22:00.000+03:00

One thing I am enjoying this summer is going to the movies…
And since it wasn’t part of my life earlier I am learning things that do make a big difference…
Like.. It’s usually REALLLY cold inside… and you won’t enjoy the movie if you are shivering…so take something that keep you worm…
It DOES matter who you are going to the movies with.. And its not that since its dark in there.. And you will be watching the movie.. Annoying people are allowed!!
NO they are not…
(Why would you be friends with annoying people from the first place!!)
Well sometimes we are!!!
And yeah...
Reviews are not always true… and you could end up with a terrible movie that has GREAT reviews! So be careful choosing the movies…
And finally.. Caramel coated popcorn is the BEST! And its fun to watch animations with kids… you can laugh out laud... And drive silly grownups crazy..

last movie I watched on Sunday evening was
Bourne Ultimatum - Matt Damon, Julia Stiles & David Strathairn.
It’s an action movie... That I really enjoyed (first time to watch an action in the movies)
The movie is worth watching…

So I’ll leave you with a trailer.. Enjoy!

When the good people turn to be... Not that good…

2007-09-03T16:50:00.000+03:00

So your instinct tells you…
And all signs are there...
But you still want to give another chance…
Giving them the benefit of doubt… and
Hoping it’s just a conflict of time…
That it could be a phase in your life or theirs…

But then you realize it’s a waste of time…
And that you are better off...
Those who you thought were good... And turned to be hiding behind a mask....

A 40 Questions Tag!

2007-09-02T11:19:00.000+03:00

Noura shared this funny 40 Questions Tag with me...

1. What is your middle name?
A

2. What color pants are you wearing?
Blue Denim.

3. What are you listening to now?
MoodFm

4. What was the last thing you had to drink?
My morning Coffee (Two spoons of Skimmed milk, one spoon of Nescafe, one spoon of sugar)

5. Do you wish on Stars?
Naaa

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
I would be the unique multicolor crayon! :D

7. How is the weather today?
It was fair in the morning, I don’t know how its gonna be till the rest of the day. Since I will be in stuck in the office!!!

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My mom

9. Do you like the person that sent this to you?
Very much indeed

10. Favorite drink?
My home made summer fruits cocktail

11. Favorite sports?
Swimming

12. Hair Color?
Black

13. Siblings?
Two (Adam & Montaser)

14. Favorite month?
I keep thinking its October, but I am no longer sure about that.

15. Favorite Food?
Ohh, yummy... I don’t think I can answer that, I pretty much like all food.

16. What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
Don’t remind me… I saw (Breach) which was a total waste of time/money, but I will say the Simpson’s, since (Breach) doesn’t count.

17. Favorite day of the year?
I don’t really know.
Any day that has good things going on.

18. What do you do to vent anger?
I stay away from any source of anger

19. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Flona stuffed doll.

20. Summer or winter?
Both cant be great if not followed by the other.

21. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs and hugs... And more hugs

22. Car or motorcycle?
Defiantly car, but wont mind trying the motorcycle

23. Chocolate or vanilla?
Chocolate

24. Do you want your friends to do this survey (tag)?
It would be interesting if they do.

25. Who is most likely to do this survey (tag)?
Most of the Bloggers I like, would like this.

26. Who is least likely to respond?
People who doesn’t have enough patience, or who might think this is silly.

27. When was the last time you cried?
Friday night

28. What is under your bed?
My dairy book (Don’t tell my brother) : D

29. Who is the friend that you have had the longest?
I had two friends from school times for more than 11 years. One whom I lost in a tragic conflict of time and minds, and one I still have and will treasure and take care of.

30. What did you do last night?
Read few chapters in (Eva Luna) by Isabel Allende, until I fill asleep

31. What are you afraid of?
Loneliness

32. Plain, buttered, or salted popcorn?
None,Only Caramel coated popcorn

33. Favorite car?
Recently I love the Opel Victra 2007

34. Favorite Flower?
Lavender

35. How many keys on your key chain?
Office key, home key, post box key, desk drawer key; you do the counting!

36. How many years at your job?
I joined a new Job, Only few months still

37. What did you do on your last birthday?
Gathered my friends for a party, but I will not do it again.
I will just spend it at the spa.

38. How many countries have you lived in?
Jordan and Iraq

39. Did you have fun doing this?
Yeah… This is fun..

40. Who will you tag?
Those I had in mind are already tagged… so feel free if you like it!

Silence..

2007-08-29T12:36:00.000+03:00

Silence is all they know…
A revolution is growing inside…
The autumn of silence is out lasting the spring or their words…
But they grow... Hand in hand…
Drinking her tears…
Opening their eyes…
And waiting…
The day they will take her away...
And come back… to face the fear…
And break the silence…
And scream…

Unwritten

2007-08-28T14:12:00.000+03:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwrittenI break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste itRelease your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skinNo one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it inNo one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins...

I love...

2007-08-27T10:58:00.000+03:00

Smells...

Yet thinking about what smells I love the most is not as easy as I thought
Smells are an important part of my life... that can be very a uplifting or a mood spoiling factor...
I have been tagged by both Jasmina and Dima to count my favorite smells…

So …These are smells that makes my days and nights as relaxing and happy as I want…

The smell of my room…
With the clean (Lavender smelling) curtains and sheets…
Mixed smoothly with morning’s Fresh jasmine breeze…

The smell of people I love…
Not their perfumes or colognes…but just their own odor..
Each person has a smell of his own... A very special distinctive odor…
That would effect how I feel about some people…
Those I love... Have the best indescribable smells EVER!

The smell of Johnson’s Baby Products
And especially my bed time set...That includes…
JOHNSON'S® BEDTIME BATH®, followed by JOHNSON'S® BEDTIME LOTION®
For the best baby skin and a relaxed good night sleep…

The smell of my favorite perfumes…
That I wear depending on what I am wearing and depending on my mood…

In Love Again Perfume by Yves Saint Laurent for Women for week ends..
Miss Dior Cherie by Christian Dior … for … chic evenings or parties…
ESPRIT LIFE Perfume by Esprit International…. For casual and sports mood
Escada Sentiment by Escada for Women for romantic and dreamy moods…

And the best of the best…my favorite set…
Angel by Thierry Mugler For all the moods...

Now those were only few of my favorite smells...
There is the smell of food….chocolate... And dark chocolate with coffee... and Many many more...
But the tag said five.. And I counted more.. So lets pass on.. To the next tagged Bloggers... And lucky ones are…

Mrs. Ramahi. Red Rose & Amy

And you girls need to...

1. link to the one who Tagged you ( Ms.Life) ! :)
2. Type at least 5 Smells you like

3. Tag another lucky 3 :)
4. Any language :D
5. Photos are an option

ENJOY!!

Its unbelievable …

2007-08-20T11:20:00.000+03:00

How life can turn upside down in no time…
How we take settlement for granted and say that everything is boring…
How we complain that nothing new is happening…

Its unbelievable … how things change in no time..

You wake up one day and the place that you loved the most is no longer yours..
And all the little things that you complained about.. Turn to be the things that mean a lot..
You just didn’t know!

But still you are happy…
Because life is one big lesson….and you are learning…
You are happy that you have people who love and admire you…
And because you are strong

Stronger than life

Stronger than life…

2007-08-07T11:38:00.000+03:00

Oh life

2007-08-02T15:15:00.000+03:00

Desree - Oh Life.m...

I love...

2007-07-26T12:47:00.000+03:00

Spending my time with Adam..

He is simply my best buddy.
He is fun, and his excitement and curiosity adds a special flavor to anything we do no matter how simple it is..
Last night we went to the movies.. to watch the Simpsons Movie...

I had totally forgot that it was Adam's first time to the movies..
Until he asked me 15 mins after the show started (So ..Hayat.. is this the movies)!!

We really had fun... And a good laugh...
I am not good in writing reviews or something... but I can say that it’s worth watching…

Dare to...

2007-07-19T11:06:00.000+03:00

Ask for what you want…
Believe in yourself…
Change your mind...
Do what you love…
Enjoy each and every day…
Follow your hearts desire…
Give more than you receive…
Have a sense of humor…
Insist on being yourself…
Join in more…
Kiss and make up…
Love and be loved...
Make new friends...
Nurture your spirit…
Overcome adversity…
Play more…
Question conformity…
Reach for the stars…
Speak your truth…
Take a personal responsibility...
Understand more, Judge less...
Volunteer your time...
Walk through fear...
Experience the moment
Yearn for grace…

Scary!

2007-07-18T13:13:00.000+03:00

I still can’t understand why does the so called "sales people” and the pathetic beggar’s think that they need to scare people to pay...!!!!

Today, a weird looking girl walked in to my office as soon as I opened the door (which is normally locked to keep those scary people away), -I was still under the spell of her awfully done FULL Make up, her fire red out fit, that didn’t cover much by the way, and the terrible smell she brought in with her which I kept hoping will go as soon as she leave - when She sat on the couch, and gave me a look saying “why don’t you close the door, I have a good deal for you”? !!!!!

I realized at that moment that I was still staring, at her long (again fire Red) nails, I asked her polity to leave, and of course she didn’t, she wanted to open the bag saying that she have some nice perfumes to show me, and that I should at least try some!!!
I knew from the smell that she is spreading around, that I will spend the whole day sneezing, and end up with a headache for three days, if she only opened that bag!!!

So I asked her again, to just leave, and made myself clear that I am NOT interested in her offer, she started showing some attitude and said that I should at least give other people in the office a chance to seize this “great opportunity”!
There was only one guy there, who came after he heard the last part and also told her that he needs her to leave… when the night mare finally finished!

If you think that those incidents happens once a day! Then you are wrong.

Two hours later, I looked behind me to see a man with one leg, standing in my office, saying nothing, just looking at me! Trying to look pathetic, (Looking really scary to me of course). Obviously when the cleaning man left the office he didn’t close the door, and I didn’t see that. So I end up with this surprise in my office. This man made feel a cowered. I had to call my coworker to send him out, because although he wasn’t saying anything, he was staring in a very creepy way. And I couldn’t move from my place until he left.

Even the sales people that are not scary, gets on my nerves when they show up with a big fake smile saying (please inform the manager that I am here to meet him urgently)!!!

I hope there is no more, because that’s too much for me for today.

So What?

2007-07-17T12:51:00.000+03:00

Ever felt that your imagination is running on overdrive, and there is little or maybe nothing you can do to slow it down.

Ever felt you are getting lost in your dreams

And the more you try to cling to reality; the more annoyed you become with yourself.

Ever felt that you can’t finish something you start…
And that your have a million unfinished task... Idea... Or plan…

That’s how I feel…

But I am fine...

So what if the second day I got my home connection back.. My laptop stopped working…
So what if the thing I want the most in my life… I see everyone around me get... and I only get to watch…not have…
So what if I let a problem stick with me a life time.. And every time I take a step forward I go 10 backwards…
So what if I get attached to people... And finally, Can’t keep them around…
So what?

Eventually life goes on… and failure is an event... it’s never a person…

Friday 13th

2007-07-13T23:27:00.000+03:00

I can be some how Sometimes superstitious...But not to the extent that would affect my life…

And I never believed in this (Friday 13th) thing..

But from now on… I will… not for bad luck..
But For BAD MOOD!!!

I don’t know if its me.. or its people… or it’s the Friday 13th….
But things were just not good today…

I don’t think I like any one in this particular moment…
I am so glad I am just in my room with the door locked… because I don’t want to wake up tomorrow.. With regret of more things I said today…(I already have enough)

But again.. On a second thought I think.. I need not to regret…
People should know what they should know.. And if I keep it inside it would just make me feel worse..

Tomorrow I will go to the pool.. Relax.. And leave the entire world behind me…

And just hope that the week will start in a better way…

Never...

2007-07-12T16:27:00.000+03:00

let any one take you for granted…
Never let any one make you feel you are not good enough…
because you are as good as you think you are…

Serendipity

2007-07-12T10:15:00.000+03:00

Imagine not knowing that this blog exists…
Surfing the net… and some how ending up here... Reading these lines… and finally knowing what serendipity means…

That’s what serendipity is all about…

It’s about the accidental discoveries… and paradoxically… that’s exactly how I came to know about it… by accident…
I was surfing the net this morning looking for information's when I read this word, and searched to find what it means…

The Wikipedia definition for Serendipity is:
“The effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entire”.
Wikipedia Also listed examples of serendipity in sciences, and technology.

What’s really interesting to me about this whole thing is that it always happened to me.. and usually what I find is more suited to my needs than what I thought I was looking for..

This presents an interesting point about those twists that happens and changes our plans.... or adds up a new aspect to our lives… one that we didn’t even know about…

About how unpredictable life can be… and to me (in this frame)…
How exciting…

Somthing for...

2007-07-05T16:25:00.000+03:00

Every one...

Let the very best you shine right through…
Follow your heart…
Live your dreams…
Bloom…
A rainbow always follows a storm…
Reach for the stars…

Its not that I am optimistic…extremely happy…all the time..
It’s just that I try… to control the negativity… and let some colorful thoughts ease the intensity of the storms in my mind…
So just think of it as a break for your thoughts…

For those who..

2007-06-28T13:06:00.000+03:00

When it feels that the rain seems to be coming down everywhere except on your garden..
Don’t stop dreaming... And working hard to manifest your dreams…

There will be a day when the rain will come... And you will finally reap what once sowed…

When I lost connection …and direction…

2007-06-19T12:42:00.001+03:00

I worked hard to get in touch with myself…
To adjust my senses to the frequency of my inner voice… and to follow it…
And only then I knew I was on the right path to reach the peace I have always wanted…
I knew I can be and do anything I want…
But as my life got busy lately… I lost connection... and direction… and I woke up to find myself walking towards the place that I struggled to leave…
Where all sounds are unheard … and my vision is blurred….
The darkness that started to surround me … found a way to those I love and care about… it’s like it wants to take my whole world…

That made me see how responsible I am, not only for my life... but also for those around me…
I realized it’s not too late… to take my path again…
To my plans and dreams… and to have the strength to fight the anger and unconsciousness that darkness tried to put in me…

And have my connection and direction once again… and this time to keep and not lose No matter what….

Don’t forget life…. Life is still here!

2007-06-14T18:04:00.000+03:00

When you're alone and life is making you lonely...

2007-05-29T09:03:00.000+03:00

Just listen to this song…

I am sharing this song today… because of how it makes me feel… hoping that it might have the same effect on you too…

PATULA CLARK - Dow...

Life discovered the secret ….

2007-05-24T17:38:00.000+03:00

In my search to understand ways to a conscious living I discovered the secret… and I was amazed of how life can be different when you are in control…
This is one of those many things in life… that is not really a secret… That is just there for everyone to use… But we are too busy… to realize the importance of it… and use it to live a better life… The secret is ...
The law of attraction...

It's simply about the power of thoughts… the power of believing in yourself…and believing in what you want and that you truly deserve what you want… it's about understanding that you can manifest your dreams ….

The Law of Attraction states that "what we think about, we bring about."
It means that whatever we put our attention on we attract into our lives.
This means we (our thoughts and feelings) have ultimate responsibility for our lives….
That is difficult for many of us to get our minds around…I totally understand…

But what's really important to know is that The Law of Attraction works regardless if you are working at it or not.
So why we keep on unknowingly attracting things that we don’t want… why we don’t now… decide that we will only think about what we want… until we get it…
I don’t say that magically you will wake up to find the car of your dreams in your garage…
I am talking about feeling the moment of having your car everyday of your … instead of feeling bad about not having it…and putting your self in alignment with manifesting that dream…
Just see the anticipation and excitement of a kid while waiting for the bike he asked for… how he will be happy everyday thinking that it might be the day he will get it…
As I started learning about the law of attraction I realized that it's also connected to having a (gratitude attitude) that will make you appreciate the simple things around you… and let those things fill you with good feelings… these good feelings are the key to mastering the law of attraction…
The law of attraction is a very simple idea… that can be an important part of your life style…
But just as any new skill it needs knowledge… and I sure can't put it all in one page…
I will be talking more about it… but it would be great if you start reading and learning how you can make all your dreams come true…
I will leave you with this video…

I am blessed...

2007-05-16T17:13:00.000+03:00

Because I learnt that being positive is the key to happiness…
And that what I think about I bring about…

I am blessed for having the ability to observe … and seek... And change myself to the best…
Because I no longer let negative people stay in my life...

And Because I have a special attachment to all my possessions to all that's around me…
All that I own… and have my smell on.. All that I wear... And use….

All that is part of my life…
I am blessed because when I lost my dear beautiful butterfly earring in the Gym and went back to office trying to cheer myself up… they called and said it was found…

At this moment.. I am giving my resignation... And will leave this place…to get a new job…

And despite the deep feeling of sadness..
I feel blessed… Because I will be leaving with a load of beautiful memories…

Because I know its not just a year that passed… it’s a page in my life…
Full of smiles… laughs… and tears…
Because I know how (life) will be remembered… and missed…
Just as I know how I will miss you my friends…
Because every song we heard together… matters… every minuet we spent together matters...
And because you matter…

I am blessed...
For much much more things...
But My Real bless is life itself...

Life's Simple Pleasures...

2007-05-06T13:07:00.000+03:00

1. A family day home.
2. My morning kiss from Adam
3. GOOD chocolate
4. Wearing clean fresh cloths after a nice smelling shower with my favorite shower set.
5. starting my day at the gym
6. Buying someone a gift knowing that it will make that person happy.
7. An early breakfast on a Friday morning at the bake house with good and special friends.
8. A REAL (hug… kiss…touch… of love)
9. Getting a surprise gift…
10. GOOOOOOD FOOOOOD

Now it's your turn to share your simple pleasures…

Noura,Rula & Manal.

List 10 simple pleasures and the rules are as follows:
a. You have to use the picture in my post.
b. You have to list exactly 10 points.
c. You have to tag 3 bloggers when you are done.

Adam

2007-05-01T11:10:00.000+03:00

The caring... The loving...
The angel in my life...

At only 7 he spreads peace and love where ever he goes..

My little brother Adam…
My beautiful beautiful beautiful boy…

Smells like happiness…

2007-04-26T15:10:00.000+03:00

Something's in life just give me a nice fresh dose of happiness...

The way some things, people and places smells is one of those things…
Its amazing how every time I walk near a field of green grass being watered… the smell of the wet grass takes me to my grandmas house in Iraq…were I used to play around the water sprinkles when I was a little girl…

Spring is the season where my senses are highly enriched with the beauty of colors and smells that fills the air… and the sound of birds in the early breezy mornings…

It’s the season of the smell of happiness…

When I wear my fresh washed clothes touched nicely by the sun...
And I lay on the clean rosy sheets and my silk curtains bring in the aromas of spring fruit and blossoms …
It just fills me with happiness and I close my eyes and
sleep like a baby…

Run in Jordan... For the love of running...

2007-04-22T10:57:00.000+03:00

Running is fun, healthy and very energizing, when I started to add some sports to my lifestyle, I realized that by time you need more than a gym to keep yourself motivated.
That’s why I become interested to dig looking for sports events and yeah we have lots of them in Jordan.
I will be talking about them separately as they are coming.

(Run in Jordan... For the love of running) is not only an interesting Blog title... It's more than that…
It’s a growing project established by a dedicated runner (Eddie Castelli).
That seeks to encourage a commitment to sports and healthy activities; people run in this event for the love of running, not for prizes, people who are welling to participate in such events are

not only physically fit but also mentally fit as well.

The last run was in Jabal Amman I went along with my two brothers ( Montaser 18 & Adam 7 years old ). And we are diffidently going next week.

The last winter foot race will be next Friday April 27th, 2007 @ Mecca mall.

You can check Eddie's blog for more Information.

Fragile

2007-04-19T17:46:00.000+03:00

If blood will flow when fresh and steel are one
Drying in the color of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are
On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are
On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are
How fragile we are how fragile we are

Life ran to the Lowest point on earth..

2007-04-15T13:06:00.000+03:00

Yes Yes !
I did the 10 K distance... And it was simply great…

When the year 2007 started I decided that it will be the year of major changes…
I will get in shape and work on a healthier life style mentally and physically…
I started going to the gym… at least three times a week…
Tried to cut all the unhealthy food I used to eat… (Except for the chocolate of course)

I have always wanted to join the Dead Sea marathon but only this year I felt I can do it…
And I did…

I registered on the official site of the marathon almost two months ago...
And my 18 years old brother also liked the idea and decided to join me…
(He surprisingly did the 21 k distances)… I am proud of him..

Few days before the marathon, he went and picked up our goodies bags from (The Society for the Care of Neurological Patients) (SCNP). And my excitement started when I received my t-shirt and my number.

After a long wait it was finally the day... April 13, 2007
We got to the Amman International Motor Show at 5.30 am. I was so excited to see all those people there... So early on a cold rainy Friday…
There were families.. Kids.. And the best part was the older people… there were people from all the countries of the world…
I can go into endless details but I don’t like long posts… for me it was all great…
I am so proud of my self.. And I will sure do it again
My friend Ali took the pictures and helped me to find my bag … :)

Coming....

2007-04-14T13:00:00.000+03:00

About my dead sea Run ...

Define...

2007-04-11T10:58:00.000+03:00

Irony...

Beware of dreams stealers...

2007-04-02T10:40:00.000+03:00

He said... Beware of dreams stealers....

They listen to you … not because they care.. But because they know you have something they don’t...
The passion to dream…
They tell you can't do it… and they are sure you can… they are just too afraid... That your dreams will show how weak and empty they are…

Don’t turn your back to them.. And walk away..
Stand there.. And work hard to get where you want… if they got there before you it doesn't mean they deserve it.. Or even will enjoy it… because they will not…
Hold on to what you have because finally the sparks of your dreams are what will build the life you want…

For you my dear dream builder I send a shooting star that will make all your dreams come true…

Life

Life Is Elsewhere...

2007-03-26T13:13:00.000+02:00

Stand by me...

2007-03-24T10:54:00.000+02:00

Qabbani started his latest post with a funny pictuer of Timon..
So I felt like posting One of my favorate songs... by the most funniest characters of disney...
Timon and Pumbaa ....

Enjoy!

Ma biddi!

2007-03-21T15:32:00.000+02:00

I dont want to...!

Back with a tag...

2007-03-18T16:50:00.000+02:00

Mrs Al Ramahi Tagged me with a home made tag...

1- If there was a fire at your house and you could save only one thing (item) what would that be?

Hmmmmmm… Is that an S in Items …??? Well why cant I take more than one Item... I have two hands…?? I love everything in my room…

2- What is the most embarrassing situation you have been in?

Well I am an expert in those... But I don’t let it bother me I just laugh at those situations … My latest embarrassing situations addition is walking into walls in front of people.. I do it almost everyday at work… why? I really don’t know…. The usual thing is spilling coffee on my desk, cloths and if I am lucky enough at others… so be aware...

3- If you can do over a part of your life, what will you change?

Every thing that I went through is who I am now... I wont wish to over do a whole part.. But there are few moments that I would surely wish didn’t happen…

And I tag MQabbani & Noura

Happiness is like a butterfly

2007-03-04T15:58:00.000+02:00

"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things; it comes and sits softly on your shoulder." Henry David Thorea

I dedicate this Quote to the dear friend of mine who sent it to me.. Who always stood by me in the hard times…
And to my friends in the blogsphere.. Who share their thoughts and support..
To all of you with a kiss of a butterfly… full of love and happiness…