I always go home with loads of thoughts that keeps me up all night after I see them, my best friend and her boyfriend (now fiancé').
I tell her on the way home tonight that It annoys me how crowded my head is, and that I will write about her in my Blog, I tell her that its better than sharing my thoughts about this issue with her... For I know we won't agree, and that she might not like what I will say…
Me and her, see happiness differently. She see it as a ring in her finger, and a man she can call her fiancé', her husband.
I don't blame her for seeking that, but I don’t agree with her choice. I look at her, with him, and I can't find sparkle in her eyes when she is around him, I can't see her happiness.
All I can see, is her, disappearing under his shadow, her believes melting in his, and her existence, shrinking in his presence and his non-stop criticism.
The way she sits, what she says, and how she say it, her choice of cloths, even her nails paint color, it all somehow must be adjusted, to fit his views, and mood (because that’s how things must be, because he knows better, and he is always right).
I see happiness in freedom, and she thinks I am unrealistic.
She keep telling me, that one day, when I get lonely, when I am bored of being free, that I will give up my search for freedom, and just give in to "reality" of life, To the fact that, this is how things must be.
"But I am never lonely". I tell her, for I have myself, (my all times best friend), I have my books, my thoughts, my friends, my blog. I have my own taste of cloths, my way of talking, and thinking, and my own views, I have my dreams and hopes. The travels I want to go, the places I want to see, and all the things in this world that I yet want to learn, taste and feel.
How can I be lonely if the whole world is my playground?
And yet, when I open the doors of my heart to someone, to enter my world, he must love it, as colorful as it is, I would move a few things around for him to feel like home, but I would never change the color of my soul, the color of freedom, and I will never let him put a fence around my gardens and stop my butterflies from flying everywhere….
I tell her on the way home tonight that It annoys me how crowded my head is, and that I will write about her in my Blog, I tell her that its better than sharing my thoughts about this issue with her... For I know we won't agree, and that she might not like what I will say…
Me and her, see happiness differently. She see it as a ring in her finger, and a man she can call her fiancé', her husband.
I don't blame her for seeking that, but I don’t agree with her choice. I look at her, with him, and I can't find sparkle in her eyes when she is around him, I can't see her happiness.
All I can see, is her, disappearing under his shadow, her believes melting in his, and her existence, shrinking in his presence and his non-stop criticism.
The way she sits, what she says, and how she say it, her choice of cloths, even her nails paint color, it all somehow must be adjusted, to fit his views, and mood (because that’s how things must be, because he knows better, and he is always right).
I see happiness in freedom, and she thinks I am unrealistic.
She keep telling me, that one day, when I get lonely, when I am bored of being free, that I will give up my search for freedom, and just give in to "reality" of life, To the fact that, this is how things must be.
"But I am never lonely". I tell her, for I have myself, (my all times best friend), I have my books, my thoughts, my friends, my blog. I have my own taste of cloths, my way of talking, and thinking, and my own views, I have my dreams and hopes. The travels I want to go, the places I want to see, and all the things in this world that I yet want to learn, taste and feel.
How can I be lonely if the whole world is my playground?
And yet, when I open the doors of my heart to someone, to enter my world, he must love it, as colorful as it is, I would move a few things around for him to feel like home, but I would never change the color of my soul, the color of freedom, and I will never let him put a fence around my gardens and stop my butterflies from flying everywhere….
12 comments:
Good Post!
Is it possible that you are jealous? Not in the sense that she has a good looking genteel or anything like that. You could be jealous because you are seeing somebody else is not only sharing your friend with you but soon will take her away from you and you just can't stand the thought that you are losing her, and that is why you are getting this bitter taste in your mouth about this man and everything he says or does, and in fact there is nothing wrong with him like your friend had told you, only your skewed biased, and possiblly prejudicial perception towards him made you feel like that. Forgive me for being blunt but if she is feeling comfortable why are you the one that is being irked. You aren't going to be with this guy, she will, you aren't going to be criticized or whatever she will, so how is that not making you sleep all night. If you were not part of the problem then you shouldn't be part of the solution. As a matter of fact your position is plainly a hostile one, and you probably be much better served if you keep some sort of a distance between you and them.
Thanks Asoom, Missed you around here.
Hatem, I appreciate your point of view.
But let me make it clear here that it doesn’t need an expert to tell if a relationship is healthy or not, it only needs some common sense.
The small things he says and does are strong indicators for future emotional and mental abuse, based on studies, as well as previous experiences from mutual friends we had.
Marriage was never a jail, it’s a partnership, based on respect and understanding and mostly trust. His behaviors indicate lack of trust, and respect for her as a human being, with special being and personality and she must not shrink her self to fit under his shadow.
She always complained to me, and she said he will change, which means she knows there is a problem, but she just ends up convincing herself there isn’t one.
I know she is not happy!
Very well written Dear Hayat,
You are a very caring person & you dont want your friend to be hurt & distressed which is a why you struggle & spend endless sleepless nights. But it's her CHOICE is it not? Did you ever think that deep down inside her heart there must be a reason why she CHOSE to hang in there & proceed with him in her lifes journey.
You have been a very good friend to her & you will always be. I guess its time you took a step back & let her know that you are there...but let her go on the path she chose. Try to put a lid on your thoughts cos more sleepless nights & thoughts would not make sence.
In these times that you struggle with so much of mixed feelings & thoughts..let me leave a comment & a bit of advise..for you to ponder & smile....
Listen more carefully • Notice the seasons change • Hold hands with someone you love & Trust• Give more hugs • Watch more sunsets • Take walks • Sing out loud more often • Square dance a little • Have more picnics • Make friends wherever you go • Feel good about yourself • Daydream a little • Laugh as much as possible • Take your shoes off • Use your imagination • Tell more stories....
Seeing your posts & there comments..there's a whole lot of fans...waiting for the next post.
Cheer her up a little, PEOPLE...
Great Post Hayat, and I do agree with you that we shouldn't sacrifice our freedom, belives and principals because of someone we think we love. That person must take your friend the way she are and improve her if she needs to. I hate when men control women, they should watch the show Noor to learn how to respect women!
I'm glad you advised your friend as one day she will come nack to you and blame you on being quiet.
And by the way, you won't be alone, I cant imagine you without your friends;) and someday Love will find its way to yoru kind heart
Beautiful sentences at the end of your post about your inner colorful world.
I know how it feels when you don't approve the choices of someone you really care about especially if it is a life altering choice. I have been there with some of my friends, and didn't real enjoyed their choices, and I have always wondered if they are really happy and always felt bad for those who were chained in an unhappy marriage for social constraints and weakness of making a choice to leave.
But at the end of the say, what really can you do? It is her life and her choices, and if she believes that settling down with reality out of fear of being lonely, then she would be the one facing the consequences. Maybe eventually she would wake up, and maybe not. She would find some comfort in her children like a lot of other Jordanian women!
Beautiful post...I totally agree with you....better be alone than with someone and miserable....I can change a few things...but changing almost all in me for him..no...
:)
Happiness is different for people, and I am glad you know what makes you happy, and when the time for you comes to tie the knot, you do it because it adds to your happiness
Hey Butterfly, Miss your posts walla.
We all know very well that marriage is not the happiness of life, it is only one part of it, and if we chose the right partner, this part will affect all of the other parts in it and vise versa.
I hope that Mr. Right will find you soon ;) I want to see you engaged abel ma safer ya hayat, it is really a nice colourful feeling ;)
P.S. I am ok and things are getting better el7amdella :)
Yeee, I forgot to tell you, kel 3am ou inti bikhair bi monasabet ramadan :) yalla lets arrange for iftar somewhere out with lots of people and "3ajga" ;)
hmmmm
i got your point hayat but as you said every found happinnes in different things but we could not deny that finding a partner is a normal need to continue this life..to find someone support us in all moments..happy or sad ones..but maybe it is a matter of timing only..
i always say being free is better than being with wrong person .. and i hate just to be in relationship for being in relationship only or filling the emmotional space..
god bless u and keep ur shiny soul ;0)
watch *made of honor movie***
highly recommended one girl
good post Hayat, i am totaly agree with you becuase of my experience with this cuples you talked about, yes, they are not in a healthy relation, and they will never live happy in future, they will just live as husband & wife without any kind of trust, respect and romance, they totaly different in all things and they are together and will get married soon just becuase she want to be mrs ?? and he like her look.. sorry but thats what i see in this relation, they both young and sure when they get older they will dicover the big mistake they did. wish i am wrong and wish them a goog luck in future.
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